Leaving Terra...

keepitadirtysecret:

you’ll never leave where you are until you decide where you’d rather be.

Well he lit you up
like Amber Waves in his movie show
He fixed you up real good
till I don’t know you anymore
from Ballet Class to a Lap Dance
Straight to video
And the pool side news
was that he would be
launching you

Into every young man’s
Bedroom - you gave it up
on DVD and magazine -
you gave it up
a private rite of passage
you gave it up
to every boy’s sweet dream
with their paper cuts

You said “he’s got a
Healing Machine
it glows in the dark
glows in the dark”
You say “there’s not a lot
of me
left anymore -
just leave it alone.
But if you’re by and you have
the time, tell the Northern
Lights to keep shining - Lately it
seems like they’re drowning”

He could light you up
and summon every swan
to the Lakeside
Off to Cabo San Lucas
for some optical stimulus
Then you started to guess
there was someone else
though His flint glass
seeing all of you
immersed in his sepia

Into every young man’s
Bedroom - you gave it up
on DVD and magazine -
you gave it up
a private rite of passage
you gave it up
to every boy’s sweet dream
with their paper cuts

You said “he’s got a
Healing Machine
it glows in the dark
glows in the dark”
You say “there’s not a lot
of me
left anymore -
just leave it alone.
But if you’re by and you have
the time, tell the Northern
Lights to keep shining - Lately it
seems like they’re drowning”

So I went by -
cause I had the time
and told the Northern Lights
to keep shining
they told me to tell you -
they’re waving

So, I found Amber. Or something like that.

It was not easy to update the image I had of her in my mind, you know. The last time I saw Amber in person she was a tall skinny girl with lots of dreams and a smile that could get her anywhere. She just wouldn’t shup up, you know, in a good way. And now…this. As soon as I entered that place I saw her, but you see it wasn’t really her: it was a really tall and sexy woman who looked a hell lot like her, but instead of smiling and greeting me that way she always did, she was doing a lapdance to an old guy wearing a very expensive suit. She was looking so…doll-like. Lifeless. To be fair, she’s still as beautiful as she ever was. I felt like I had been punched and I’m pretty sure I took a step back. It’s not that I believe doing a lapdance is something wrong, or even bad, but gosh that was my Amber. And then again, it really really wasn’t. The Amber I remebered and the girl that called me with a very small and whispery voice just weren’t in that room.

I couldn’t stay there watching it all, and I was drawing too much attention (because I was a woman at a strip club who was fully dressed.). So I just asked one of the girls behind the bar to give her my hotel’s phone number and adress.

As I walked back to my room I remember one late night conversation we had a few months before she went to chase her dreams here in California. Amber looked at me and said: “You know what,  Scarlet, my stepfather was right. I am too beautiful to my own sake.” And it didn’t sound cocky, you know, just plain sad and serious. (There’s so much history behind this statement that I could just talk about it for days, but I won’t.)

P.S.: Amber called me five minutes ago. She’s coming. I miss her even more.